Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage

A Christian woman's guide to hidden emotional and spiritual abuse.

By Natalie Hoffman

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"If there were PhDs to be given on the subject of emotional abuse, Natalie Hoffman would have earned hers ten times over. Natalie is remarkably knowledgeable and character-savvy when it comes to understanding the soul-death that occurs during the terror of emotional abuse. Furthermore, she brings the element of healing to the table. Any woman who questions herself while sensing deep, unrecognizable pain in her marriage should read Is It Me?"

Megan Cox
MAR Pastoral Counseling, Founder of Give Her Wings, Inc.

"This is an excellent resource—the kind of unvarnished truth that my precious sisters in Christ need in order to know they are not crazy, and the abuse they are enduring is not their fault. I will be prescribing this book immediately."

John Dotson
Licensed Psychotherapist, Ordained Pastor, and Expert Traumatologist—Atlanta

"Faith communities often inadvertently foster a climate of hidden abuse for a wide variety of reasons ranging from inaccurate theology to protecting the organization’s reputation. “Is It Me?” addresses this toxic reality behind the scenes that radically misrepresents the character of God in the Christian home, and shows women how to make sense of the systems of abuse that are clouding their vision and tearing them apart. Highly recommended! "

Sarah McDugal
Leadership Development Coach, Author, Speaker

"For any Christian trying to understand a confusing marriage, Is it Me? will provide much solid guidance along the way, always pointing the readers to the love and care of our Savior, Jesus Christ."

Rebecca Davis
Author of "Untwisting Scriptures"

"Women who are in confusing marriages often turn to books— many of them— to try and understand how to make their marriage better. While there are many books out there on various topics such as abuse, narcissism, and others, Natalie provides the precursor to all that: she gives her readers the vocabulary, in plain, everyday language, to start to understand what might really be going on for them. She expertly slices open the mysteries of covert abuse and what that looks like, and then examines the underlying thoughts, attitudes, and theologies underpinning abusive environments. Excellent read for anyone seeking to understand what might be going on in a confusing marriage where someone knows something is wrong, but can’t name what that something is. Well-written and easy to understand, this thought-provoking book blows the world of patriarchy, oppression, and abuse wide open, particularly for religious communities. This should be required reading for everyone in any type of pastoral role, anywhere."

Hannah Carlisle

"I've been in a "confusing marriage" for 34 years now and have read a ton of books on this subject. Never have I found one that covers everything like this one does. I love that it also discusses the spiritual abuse that can go on in the marriage, alongside the marriage or sadly sometimes both. Well meaning friends and counselors really do not understand what goes on in these tricky relationships unless they have actually lived through one themselves. Natalie has and it shows not only in her compassion toward other women but also in her incredibly deep and thorough understanding of this subject. The validation alone is priceless. If you can only get one book on this subject, let it be this one. I cannot recommend it highly enough and am so glad to have it in my library. It does a GREAT job of making that confusing marriage a lot less confusing and gives you tools to get strong and get on with your life, the way God intended."

Amazon Review

"I can't put this book down! The information in this book is exactly what I need right now! Natalie presents and cuts through false beliefs and lies that I have been taught to believe my entire life! She lovingly speaks truth and puts confusion to rest (in the grave where it belongs). I can't wait to read the rest of this book."

Amazon Review

"This book is perhaps one of the best written books I've read in regard to my marriage. I wish it had been available 10 years ago. I often have a hard time reading through these types of books simply because of the writing styles; but Natalie did an excellent job keeping each chapter on point with very clear explanations that I've not seen before. The words jumped off the pages and poured into my heart, renewing my walk with Jesus and His commitment to walk with me through the fire. I strongly recommend this book for any woman of faith struggling in their marriage. It truly is a game changer." Incredible truth from a gospel centered perspective."

Amazon Review

"Natalie writes with astounding clarity to unveil the source of the pain so many women of faith experience, but aren't able to put in to words. She walks through how it happens with compassion and frankness. If you're a woman who loves Jesus and your marriage is painful no matter how much effort you put in to try to fix it, this book will change your world forever. Can't recommend enough."

Amazon Review

"I wish I'd had this book ten years ago. It summarizes very well what took me several months with a life coach to see. This book validated my experiences and led me to a new life of freedom I didn’t think was possible."

Ann Schell

"This book goes step by step through the fog of verbal abuse to the clear understanding of what is really happening. There is no sugar coating to this book. The truth about emotional and spiritual abuse is made clear. Natalie doesn’t leave the reader at the point of realization. She takes you through the turmoil of getting out and through the difficult process of grieving and healing. It is easy to read and I would call it a page turner because when a Christian woman is in a fog (like I was), getting validation and hope makes one want to keep reading. Another aspect that is made clear in this book is the secondary abuse and spiritual abuse that verbally abused women often go through when trying to get help from her church."

Amazon Review

"Natalie's book has been the most in-depth and insightful perspective I've read in relation to my own confusing Christian marriage. She spells out the beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors that are at play in destructive relationships. She unveils the predictable patterns that all emotionally abused spouses walk through and the steps to healing. I felt I could finally put words to my confusion through her examples. She truly gets it! So much truth packed into this book. It's a must read for all Christian women whether they are in a destructive relationship or know someone who is."

Amazon Review

"This book provides answers to questions about abusive relationships from a faith-based perspective, which is sorely needed for Christian women today. The faith-based lens is so important because many Christian women are taught erroneous principles that keep them in abusive relationships and prevent them from healing and recovery."

Amazon Review

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